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Archive for October, 2008

My dirty little secret.

“How can I be substantial if I fail to cast a shadow?” asked Jung. “I must have a dark side also if I am to be whole.”

With that in mind, I have a confession to make: I think Tucker Bounds is adorable. He’s cute, he’s kind of nerdy, he’s kind of stupid, and — being the spokesman for the Insane Train McCain Campaign — he goes around with that deer in the headlights look pretty much all the time.

It’s much more lovable than Nancy Pfotenhauer’s frozen smile, the one that says, I will kill them later, but for now I will smile. They can humiliate me on national television but, goddammit, they cannot break my smile! Nancy is just a little bit scary.

There’s nothing scary about Tucker. He looks like the boy next door, or one of my nephews’ friends. And despite the fact that he goes on television every day and lies his ass off, somehow you don’t blame him for it. You can’t help thinking that somehow he’s a nice boy, a good kid who just fell in with bad companions.

Of course, I’m assuming Tucker’s straight. My little crush on Tucker demands that he be straight, because for a gay man — no matter how adorable — to have the job Tucker has would make him a low-down quisling bitch like Patrick Sammon. I find that whole cute-but-stupid thing endearing, but he is, after all, nearly thirty years old, and the world doesn’t need another gay Rethug. Tucker must be straight for the lovable dumbass thing to work.

Anyway, I’m on the lookout for a Tucker Bounds bobblehead. If you see one, let me know. I’ve only got about another week to enjoy his tv appearances, as he helplessly tries to come up with some reason, any reason, why we should think John McCain isn’t insane. After election day, the poor guy’s probably going to have to go off and have a nervous breakdown for a while.

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The Bible and me.

Last night after work I went to Barnes & Noble. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular; it was just time for a little book-shopping. I needed to get my fix. I finally got The Audacity of Hope, and I surprised myself a little by buying a Bible.

Does a gay atheist Buddhist really need a Christian Bible? Does somebody who already owns fifty or sixty Bibles really need another one? Even if it’s a King James Version and he’s already got a bunch of those?

In this case, I did. First off, it’s got a really classic-looking binding, and the burgundy fake leather is a really good fake. I thought it was real leather for a second. It’s got a Celtic cross embossed on the front. It’s a compact Bible, something you can carry around with you, but it’s got (relatively) large print.

It looks good. It feels good in my hand. I can carry this Bible around with me and I can read it easily. But why am I still reading the Bible?

Some of my Christian friends and relatives, no doubt, would say I still read the Bible because on some level I still believe it. On some level, I’m still being drawn to God. They’d be wrong.

Even when I was a believer, I didn’t believe the Bible. The Bible is wrong — obviously wrong — about a lot of things. Any honest reader knows it contradicts itself. It’s been used to the most horrific ends, often without taking it out of context at all. It’s loaded with nonsense; it teaches — or at least, parts of it teach — violence and hatred and oppression. But I still love the Bible. Why?

I guess when it comes down to it, I love the Bible for the same reason I love some of my relatives, and the same reason I love Pensacola. Because I just do. We have a long and intimate relationship. I can’t remember any time when I didn’t know the Bible, when the Bible wasn’t part of my life. Maybe I love the Bible because — like Pensacola — it’s something I can’t see as entirely separate from myself.

The Bible and I have a history. We have a bond. If you see me and the Bible together, don’t be surprised. I know what the Bible is; I know what kind of company it keeps; I know what kind of things it supports. It’s not very good or very wise. It’s erratic and sometimes it’s stupid and mean. You can’t trust it. If you get right down to it, it’s a lot like most of the Republicans I know.

I have a lot of trouble respecting the Bible, but it’s family.

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Pointing fingers, clenched fists
Are Insane Train and Moose Lips just pissed off about everything in general, or are they getting sick and tired of each other specifically? Is Miss Congeniality less congenial than anticipated? Clenched fists, angry faces, pointing fingers … These are not happy people.

Careful, Johnny. You might get away with calling your wife a cunt, but Sarah is the darling of the Christian Right.

(Via Princess Sparkle Pony’s Photo Blog.)

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So now it’s come out that Sarah Palin billed the Alaska state government for her children’s travel expenses. (Defrauding the people of your state is so very mavericky, isn’t it?) Palin charged the state for 12 round-trip flights and 64 one-way flights for her children, as well as hotel rooms — most notably, four nights at the Essex House on Central Park South. Palin belatedly realized that gouging the state might trip her up in her national ambitions, and amended her expense reports to specify that the children were on official business during the trips.

Alaska law doesn’t say anything about the governor’s children’s travel expenses, but does allow expense payments for anybody traveling on official business. So, presto! — Palin just called her daughters’ trips “official business.” Problem solved!

Palin family official duties

Palin’s defrauding people of Alaska is hardly a surprise. Anybody who’s been paying attention already knows that Sarah Palin is a crook. Nor is it surprising that her attempt to cover up her misdeeds was so clumsy and ineffective. We’ve seen that side of her, too.

It’s not even surprising that all this was precipitated by her much-vaunted decision to sell the governor’s official plane, which meant that she and her children frequently had to travel on commercial aircraft. Like her fictional opposition to the bridge to nowhere, her fictional eBay airplane sale is pure Palin bullshit, a negative posing as a positive.

What is astonishing is the direction the reporting is taking.

In story after story, Palin’s handlers are quoted as saying that the children, were, after all, invited to these events, and the organizers of the events are quoted as saying, The hell they were. Can’t find anybody who invited them or cared whether they came; some organizers even say they were surprised and inconvenienced when the Palin brood showed up. All of which misses the point.

Even more astonishing, the AP reports: “State Finance Director Kim Garnero told The Associated Press she has not reviewed the Palins’ travel expense forms, so she could not say whether the daughters’ travel with their mother would meet the definition of official business.”

If that reporting is accurate, Kim Garnero needs to resign her post, because she’s a fucking incompetent.

You see, it doesn’t matter whether the kiddies were invited or not. It doesn’t matter whether the governor’s husband’s snowmobile race qualifies as an official event or not. There’s a really easy way to tell whether the children’s travel qualified as official business or not. Just answer these questions:

1) What state office does each child hold? None.

2) What are each child’s official duties? None.

In fact, it’s impossible for the governor’s children to travel on official business, because the children have no official duties. They have not been elected or appointed to any official position. They have not been employed by the state in any capacity whatsoever. It’s impossible for the Palin children to travel on official business, because they have no official business.

There’s nothing wrong with the governor taking her children with her to see Daddy’s snowmobile race. There’s nothing wrong with her taking them to New York. Her habit of taking them to events to which they weren’t invited may be annoying, but it’s no big deal. It’s only a problem when Palin attempts to bill the state for her children’s personal expenses.

It’s only when Palin claims that her children were on official business, and when others entertain the possibility that they really were on official business, that you have to wonder: Are they fucking stupid, or do they just think we are?

If Palin gets elected President Vice President in a couple weeks, watch for her to bill the Senate for diapers. After all, when Sarah’s in charge of the Senate, little Geometry will have official business in the Senate, won’t he?

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John McCain, speaking on Tuesday:

I think you may have noticed that Senator Obama’s supporters have been sayin’ some pretty nasty things about western Pennsylvania lately. And you know, I couldn’t agree with them more. I couldn’t disagree with you, I couldn’t agree with you more than the fact that western Pennsylvania is the most patriotic, most God-loving, most, most patriotic part of America; this is a great part of the country!

Jesus.

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apparently. At least, that would explain why crack creation scientists can’t tell a rock from a human brain. For a good laugh, hasten to Pharyngula and read this post: Well, maybe it is exactly like their brains.

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In an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, Sarah Palin has announced her support for a federal constitutional ban on marriage equality in the United States.

She did so with her usual eloquence, saying she was

… speaking up for traditional marriage that, that instrument that it’s the foundation of our society is that strong family and that’s based on that traditional definition of marriage, so I do support that.

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