Fairfield woman: Priest kicked me out of Mass because of Obama signs
Elizabeth Caster was at Mass on Sunday at Our Lady of Mount Carmel in Fairfield, California, when the priest went berserk and told her to get her car off his God’s property. She was very surprised. She says the church can kiss her 25 smackers a week goodbye.
In the priest’s defense, it must be noted that Caster (a) drives a Toyota Sequoia and (b) had parked it in the loading zone. Knowing those two things, I hate her already, and I don’t even know her.
If you need a Toyota Sequoia to haul your kid around, you should consider getting a smaller kid. And what makes you think you’re special enough to park in the yellow zone? That 25 bucks a week you put in the offering plate? What do you think this is, Mississippi? You don’t get no prime parking spot for 25 bucks a week, you stupid bitch.
Just imagine what this woman is probably like. Imagine what it’s like for the priest, having to put up with her crap week after week after week. Sooner or later, you’d have snapped, too. You know you would.
But according to Caster and other outraged parishioners, people park in the yellow zone all the time, and the priest never cared before. Father Sebastian Meyer went nuts not because of where Caster parked, but because of the signs on her car. In fact, he didn’t say one word about the other cars that were parked in the loading zone at the same time as Caster’s car.
They say that Meyer said, “”We cannot have a car with Obama signs written on it on these premises. And I don’t care who Obama is. I want this car off the premises in 10 minutes or it will be towed. Whoever’s vehicle this is, I want it removed. I don’t want to see that car anywhere around here.”
So Caster — who is, if nothing else, smart enough not to fuck with a crazy old priest — took her kid and went out to move her car. Meyer followed her out to the parking lot and refused to let her park anywhere else on the lot. Naturally, Caster was pissed. I think you’d be pissed, too, even if you aren’t the kind of person who drives a Toyota Sequoia and parks in the loading zone. But would you be surprised? Really?
Okay, you’ve joined this Mediterranean religious cult that worships a vindictive bastard of a God. This vicious deity says you deserve to be tortured for all eternity because you’re not perfect, but having tortured his own son to death in your stead makes him feel a little better, so he’s willing to forgive you provided you follow the rules set down by (surprise!) the head of the cult.
The head of the cult and his predecessors have claimed for centuries that they are the supreme authority on earth. They still claim the right to tell everybody how to vote, and they expect governments to take orders from them, too. The cult is fanatically sexist and enthusiastically homophobic. Having spent decades covering up sexual abuse committed by its clergy, and having been caught at it, the cult’s leaders still aren’t even a little embarrassed to say that same-sex marriage is the real threat to your children.
And they expect you to have a lot of children, too. The only reason their insane god allows you to get married at all is so you can have children. (You could have children without getting married, of course, but that’s against the rules.) You are not allowed to have sex with anybody until you get married, and when you do have sex, you’re not allowed to use any kind of contraception. Contraception is against the rules, because sex is only for procreation. Got that? If you use contraception, you have thwarted the will of the almighty god — it’s surprisingly easy to thwart his will, considering his omnipotence — and that pisses him off.
At least once a week, you are expected to drag your kids to Mass, where the priest conducts a magic rite that turns little round wafers into Jesus, and then everybody eats Jesus. Regular participation in this ritual imaginary cannibalism is considered very important to the insane god.
Most members of the cult don’t really believe any of this crap, but they keep participating in the cult anyway, out of habit and because belonging to the cult is an important part of their cultural/ethnic/spiritual identity, and because they believe it’s important to bring their children up in an atmosphere of guilt, retribution, bigotry, blood sacrifice, and cannibalism. (Because how else are they going to learn any values?)
Okay, it’s a free country. (For heterosexuals, I mean.) You want to join some bizarre cult, that’s your right. You want to believe, or pretend you believe, all this nonsense, more power to you.
But I draw the line at feeling sorry for you when a priest of your insane cult acts like a narrow-mind jerk. Do you really expect me to believe that surprises you? Have you been paying attention at all?
Well, apparently not. Some of the parishioners were really upset. They felt it was wrong, very wrong indeed, for a priest of an irrational and intolerant cult to behave in an irrational and intolerant manner. They were so indignant, they were stirred to … well, nothing. But almost.
“It took a lot out of me,” said one, “to sit there and not walk out.”
Whew! That was a close one! I’ll bet the Pope was shaking in his handmade red calfskin slippers!
The third paragragh whoever wrote this is the real BITCH, the yellow zone is allowed for everyone to park during mass or any occasion, you are so stupid talking about parking fees. Don’t you have something better to tell us? Then shut up
Oh man…how did I miss this post, Bill?
My day was very, very boring up until now. Thanks for the laugh. 😀
Mississipi, you really are from Mississippi, aren’t you? I can tell by the way you spell it.