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Wide Stance Larry and Canal Street Dave speak out for Republican family values.

Hoping to bring the ignorant and intolerant out to the polls in November, Senator Roger Wicker of Mississippi has introduced Joint Resolution 43, proposing an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would define marriage as being between a man and a woman. Most of the co-sponsors are usual suspects ― Wayne Allard, Sam Brownback, Michael Enzi, James Inhofe, Pat Robers, Richard Shelby, and John Thune ― but two of the co-sponsors really stand out.

Wide Stance Larry CraigSenator Larry Craig of Idaho, best known for soliciting a sexual encounter with an undercover cop in a Minneapolis airport restroom, stands forth to defend the institution of marriage against those nasty homosexuals. Because, after all, he’s an traditional kind of guy who believes that gay sex belongs in a public restroom, not in the home. Wide Stance’s values are so traditional that he nearly had a seizure over the Monica Lewinsky scandal: “The American people already know that Bill Clinton is a bad boy – a naughty boy. I’m going to speak out for the citizens of my state, who in the majority think that Bill Clinton is probably even a nasty, bad, naughty boy.” Nasty and bad, indeed. You can bet Wide Stance never cheated on his wife Suzanne ― not with another woman, anyway.

Canal Street Dave VitterAnother defender of traditional values is Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, famous mostly for being a client of the late D.C. Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey, as well as the Canal Street Madam, Jeannette Maier. Canal Street Dave has bravely stepped forward to oppose same-sex marriage because, you know, letting queers get married would threaten his traditional marriage much more than his long-term business relationship with prostitute Wendy Cortez ― a relationship for which, Vitter assures us, God has forgiven him. So who are you to criticize?

 

See also:

S.J.Res.43 (THOMAS)

The Federal Marriage Amendment is back — with Vitter’s and Craig’s support (The Carpetbagger Report)


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